[cue shameless plug]
I have a giveaway going and it's pretty fucking sweet. It's a very gently used, practically brand-new Beachbody Brazil Butt Lift program and it'll give you a booty worth twerking. Miley will have nuttin' on ya. Didn't you hear me? I'm giving away FREE SHIT!! GO HERE TO ENTER!!
And now back to our regularly scheduled program.....
Today is Friday thank GOD because this week was total fucking ballsack.
Here are a few things that can go fuck themselves:
1// Work. You know what, work? you fucking suck dick. It's non-stop bullshit, all day errday and you need to tone that shit down and let a bitch breathe for a bit. Seriously, what the hell is your problem?! Why can't we go back to those wonderful times when you let me blog and surf and do all the things that make me happy? Yes you pay me well but goddammit, why must you always demand shit from me??! Enough is enough!
2// People at work. 99% of the people at work are fucking morons and it's that 1% that gives some reprieve but in most cases, that 1% are overworked, underpaid and are assigned to multiple projects so when I need something, they're busy or not at their desk which makes me mad because I have to wait or hunt around for them. Ain't nobody got time fo' dat!
3// Traffic. I really wish there was a special lane that went right from my house all the way to the parking lot at work. I would pay some good money for that shit because the traffic here blows. It's filled with assholes who can't drive or are afraid to drive or slow-ass drivers that fill me with homicidal rage and every morning I practically have a fucking aneurysm trying to get to the office.
4// My uterus. Ok, uterus; you've done your job - you gave me a baby. Thank you. Now please fuck off and stop bothering me with your monthly bullshit because I'm getting real tired of your ass.
And here are a few things I want to make love to:
1// Friday! IT'S FRIDAY, BITCHES!! time to forget about work and the idiots who make your life miserable. I wish it could be friday all day, errday.
2// Wine. Oh sweet, sweet nectar of all that is good and holy. You make everything I hate tolerable. Please never stop flowing into my mouth.
3// The LCBO. To all non-Canadians, this is the place where booze is sold otherwise known as The Promised Land. After a straight week and a half of legit work bullshit, I drove my ass right from the office to this place, walked in with arms wide open and shouted "COME TO ME!"
4// Almond butter! why did I wait so long to eat this jar of diarrhea? nom nom
5// The Kalbi that fucking explodes its flavour into my mouth every time.
6// Trails! Seriously, these trails have ruined my workouts in that I hate everything else other than running these badboys:
HAPPY FRIDAY, SLUTS!!!!