remember when i posted that kayla had food poisoning? yeah, it wasn't food poisoning but the norwalk virus - a nasty bug that the husband is convinced he picked up at kayla's 6yr pediatric appointment.... you know how those places are cesspools of infection. like schools, indoor playgrounds or anywhere there are mass groupings of filthy children.
first it was my husband who was up all last week thursday night/friday morning puking his guts out; bedridden and feeling like shit.
then kayla woke up at 10pm saturday night and puked her little guts up until SIX AM. wtf. it's one thing to have an adult suffer through that but a 6yr old? not cool, norwalk; not cool at all.
and since my husband got it, then kayla had it which meant that i was next *cue dramatic drum sounds*.
so on sunday evening, i waited with baited breath to start puking my insides out and lo and behold, the abdominal cramps started and got worse as the night went on. I hate throwing up so I made a deal with my body to trade awful throw up for explosive diarrhea instead. and that’s exactly what happened. when you have a terrible stomach bug and shit your insides out every half hour, at some point you wonder when you ate razor blades because that’s exactly what it feels like when you crap out your intestines.
the cramps kept me up all night, fever swept over me and basically, I wanted to die. I swear, the norwalk virus was the most heinous thing to enter my body, other than my exbf’s cock. i'm sure you're tired of reading about my shits so i'd like to impart some wisdom in your faces about the things i learned while bedridden and begging for death:
:: I never thought I’d get tired of lying down all day….something I never thought I’d ever feel. I love lying around but when you’re horizontal for over 24hrs, your muscles cramp up and you actually feel tired of laying around all day.
:: I’m pretty sure I dropped at least 10lbs and a few dress sizes from not eating a damn thing for nearly 48hrs #helloabs #maybenorwalkaintsobadafterall
:: that whole praying thing? doesn’t work. I begged god to give me a speedy death but hour after hour, I continued to lay there alive and weeping while the virus shredded my insides.
:: you quickly become afraid of your farts because that feeling behind your anus isn't gas; it's explosive diarrhea at the ready.
:: norwalk is a tricky bastard; once the explosive diarrhea subsides, you think it's over but no; it continues to give you the finger and mock you by ruining your underwear with sharts. that fear of your farts doesn't subside for a while.
and i'll end this by giving the norwalk a big fuck you: