in december, i usually like to reflect upon the year that has passed and all the things - good and bad - that came with it.
for the most part, the past few years have been excellent with very little bad events but i'm not sure if that has mostly to do with the choices i've made and by that, i mean drama can go fuck itself, negativity has no place in my life and i have made conscious decisions to always choose happy because without happiness, what's the goddamn point, amirite?
with my new sponsor this month, i have never worked so fucking hard on this blog or posted as much but i also never realized how much i like writing up until this point, even if the shit i post is really about - as Keltie so eloquently puts it - nothing but swears and jokes and baloney. so going forward (and to continue my trend of making stephanie work hard), i think i'll do a weekly reflection series until the new year.
today is my blog.
this site wasn't always what it is. in fact, it started out as a baby site that was geared towards helping (new) parents with their babies. i know, right? hard to believe considering how much bullshit goes on up in hurr. at the time though, i was a different person - a new mother struggling with severe depression and struggling to find my place in parenthood and i turned to blogging to help me through the most difficult times of my life. i opened up my site and spent so much time on the phone, on skype, on email with other families who were also having trouble because it gave me some comfort in knowing that i wasn't the only parent who had no fucking clue what i was doing; and that just because i struggled with parenthood didn't mean i was a bad mother or not cut out to be a parent. yes, you think of this crazy shit when you're a first time mom.
what i didn't expect though, was that i was inadvertently healing myself from my depression. my psychiatrist told me that when you do things that are altrusitic in nature, that help others, it releases natural endorphins into your system that make you feel good; endorphins that are often lacking in those that suffer from depression. the more i helped others, the better i felt. and back then, those days of feeling good were so few and far between. in fact, they were rare.
so this blog has played a large role in my treatment and healing process; it's an important part of my life and always will be.
it has gone through several iterations since then - name changes, designs, even content. for a long time, i wasn't true to my writing style and preference (which is cussing and all kinds of brutal honesty) because i was afraid that i would offend people and prevent them from coming back to read the shit i put out. obviously, i bitch-slapped my old self and pulled myself together because now i fill your readers with my garbage nonsense and you all seem to love it. so either you guys have amazing taste or you're unrefined heathens just like me.
i'm happy that i have finally found a place in the giant blogosphere for this little site of mine but most of all, thanks to you for coming back to read my nonsense, for your amazing comments and emails and your continued support in this place that i call home.
how has your blog evolved over the months/years?