Vodka and Soda

perspective

 

 a repost but fitting for Motivation Mondays....

 

 

 

life is too short....

...enjoy what you have instead of always wanting more.

...make decisions now that can empower you in the future.

...stop and actually smell the roses.  how many times do we just rush by?

...eliminate the negativity and surround yourself with positivity.

...don't hold onto grudges.  if you can forgive and forget, do it.  if not, let them go and move on.

 ...love yourself...for who you are, how you look like and what you do.

...do what makes YOU feel happy.  

...you don't have to live in misery.  you have the power to change things for the better.

...always remember that you always have options... choose wisely or be ready to live with regret.

...take a leap of faith.  it could be the best thing that's ever happened to you. 

...normal is boring.  embrace your quirky personality or weird sense of humour.

...a victory is a victory; be proud of every achievement whether big or small.

...haters exist everywhere but only you can control whether they impact your life.

...believe in yourself.  if you don't, why should anyone else?

a funny story at my expense

 

i was doing some blog spring cleaning and came across this old post i wrote last january.  you may laugh at my expense.  you're welcome.

****

i was reading some funny dating mishap stories on the internet so at my expense, i thought i'd embarass myself by sharing a story that happened many moons ago.

back in my heyday, i dated a guy whom we'll call john because that was his real name.  he was nice and treated me well.  there were certain things about him that i shouldn't have overlooked but i was young and didn't acquire my jedi master dating skillz until much later.  i drew some crappy pictures to illustrate the story but first, some history. 

i've always had dating deal-breakers; you know, those certain things about a person that changes your opinion of them and completely turns you off; basically killing whatever potential said relationship had.  i wasn't jerry seinfield picky but i had my own set of preferences - no bad kissers, no chewbaccas, no shorty mcshorties, no dainty feet that could fit into my shoes, no virgins and no small weiners.  yes, i was that shallow in that i could not pursue a relationship if the guy was wielding a tootsie roll in his pants. don't judge.   and because this is a funny story, i'm sure you can surmise where this tale going. 

back to john.  the intial stages of a relationship are always the most exciting and i didn't want to whore out by moving too fast so the clothes stayed on.  there are many ways to assess the situation Down There without directly touching anything and i pulled out all the stops to try and figure out what i was dealing with.  the most surprising thing?  i felt nothing.  nada. zip.    while the warning bells were going off in the back of my mind, i thought that maybe he was nervous so i ignored my bruised ego and chalked it up to initial jitters.

 

the next date was pretty much the same with confusion building in my mind instead of him building something in his pants.  what the fuck was going on here?  does he have that much self control?  is it me? is it him? what? WHATGODDAMMITWHAT?!?  but like the stupid little girl i was, i ignored it and continued on, giving him just one.more.chance before i ended it.  there was no way i was going to sacrifice my self-confidence for someone who felt nothing for me. 

 

 

i went on our next date with a heavy heart and the sahari desert in my pants when things started looking up because lo' and behold, something bumped up against my hip - something substantial.   i think i mentally high-fived myself; my ego was restored, all was right with the world and i was a sexy beast once again.

 but my joy  was short-lived because john was behaving strangely; it was as if he wasn't comfortable with something because he fidgeted and squirmed so much that he stopped all the goodness and stood up.  i'll let the pictures tell the rest of the story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE END

live, laugh, love

 

the weekend was filled with sadness and shock.

we lost a very close family member on thursday night

that left us reeling,  devastated and sad.

the weekend was spent not only comforting and consoling but celebrating his life; laughing with cousins and just being in each other's presence.

i've experienced too much tragedy and death too many times in the past 9 years

which is why i live my life to the fullest.

family and friends come first; everything else is trivial.

work is work, it'll always be there; don't sacrifice your family time.

material things are just that: things that can be replaced.

your career, while important, isn't the be all, end all.

live a little, take some risks.

express to those who you love how much you love them and tell them often

because you never know what may happen.

 

bullies.

 

 

amanda todd struggled with bullying for years and in early october, she took her own life.  amanda was only 15 years old.  this heartbreaking video illustrates the deadly effects of how bullying can destroy lives and something needs to be done now;  right fucking now, goddammit.  

when i hear shit like this, it makes me angry and i immediately jump to the parents; pointing blame for not parenting their kids right; for not knowing the signs that their kid(s) is/are tormenting other people; for neglecting their kids and not nipping that shit in the bud.

but bullies aren't always from broken homes or the result of neglect and/or bad parenting.

i knew of many bullies from good families; parents who were kind, hard workers; involved in their kids' lives, financially stable, from a good home yet their kids were off pushing others around.

so what makes a bully? more importantly, how can you tell if your kid is a bully or being bullied?

this shit strikes a dark fear in my heart; to know that at some point or another, kayla will likely be exposed to, may even be the victim of, or be, the bully.  christ almighty, if i ever found out that kayla was tormenting some poor kid(s), i would rain down the fucking wrath so hard, even God would cower in fear.   every day we talk about how school was/what she did and while i'm listening to her answers, i'm being all cloak and dagger-like --  listening for sublime messages, hunting and analyzing for any indication if someone is torturing my precious child or if she's torturing someone else.  fortunately, kayla is well-liked and has many friends except one SK girl who isn't bullying her per se, but not being very nice either.  the unfortunate part is that i can't step in right now because i know kayla has to learn how to navigate these situations on her own.   the only thing i can do at this point  is give her my support and advice  instead of telling kayla what i really think which involves a lot of colorful language and a few drop kicks.

even as adults, we also face some form of bullying - in the workplace, at the places we frequent, on the frigging internet and some of my bloggy friends have even experienced it on their blogs.  there are cyber-bullies stalking blogs and leaving all sorts of nasty comments for no reason at all other than being mean douchebags.  i sometimes sit back and think what could possibly be going through someone's mind when they're purposely being mean.  are they so miserable that they have to make everyone around them miserable too?  don't they know that if they channeled all that hate and negativity towards doing something positive, they'd be more productive and happy?

all i know is that bullies are cowards.  they're miserable, sad and allow their insecurities to cloud their judgement but most of all, i honestly think that they're afraid of something; probably their true selves.  

 

have you ever been bullied?

 

life of a housewife: 6 month update

 

 

it's been 6 months since i became a housewife of markham.

when i posted about my upcoming temporary retirement that began on june 1, i had so many things planned like organizing my mess of a closet, making kayla's play area so organized and awesome that everyone will pin it, cleaning out the pantry and making my kitchen so efficient/organized that martha stewart will beg to cook in it and exercising every day so that everyone will want tickets ... to the gun show  *flexes both arms*.

well... i'm embarassed to admit all that stuff didn't pan out so well.   not a one... except the workout part - that's about the only thing that i've been  consistently doing during these last 6 months.  i half organized my closet, ran out of steam and left it 'for another day'.   i started organizing kayla's play area then got distracted by something else (probably a nap).  it seems i've fallen victim to leaving things 'for tomorrow' since i have so much time to get to them but i'm running out of time so i need to get my ass in gear!

the original plan was for me to go back to work in mid-october after our disney vacation.  well, disney has come and gone and if that were to have gone through, i would be at work by now.  thank god that last month, hubs approached me and asked if i wanted to go back to work in january instead and hell, he didn't have to ask me twice!  you see, this works for the both of us -- once i go back to work, we'll have to resume our schedule of dropping kayla off at school on alternating days which means he won't be able to hit the gym first thing in the morning on a daily basis and prolonging my time off works for me because i get to be lazy for a longer period haha!

but i know january will be here in the blink of an eye because we're already in the middle of november and going back to work when it's snowing and cold is going to suck all kinds of ass and i'll hate every second of it.  well, i'll hate every second of it anyway but even more so because of the awful traffic.  damn, i couldn't even stand the traffic going to get coffee around the corner from my house after dropping kayla at school that i turned around and went back home.  if i can't even take that, how can i sit in traffic for 1.5hrs going to an office?!

the good thing is that people have been contacting me asking if i'm interested in working so i'm very grateful that there are opportunities out there.  the bad thing is i feel bad for turning them down; after all, they didn't have to seek me out but they did.  

hubs asked if i would be interested in staying home until april... um, HELL YES.  i'm in no hurry to get back to work but won't it look bad if i'm off for nearly a whole year?!

decisions, decisions......

....and so it begins

 

tuesday, september 4 marks a big day for our family -- it was kayla first day of JK.

when she was first born and i was going through my crazy depression, i could never think that far ahead and now, my baby girl is all grownsed up! *sniff*

the first day was a modified day (orientation) so hubs took the day off and we all went as a family.  the goal was to meet the teacher, visit her classroom and give the kids a chance to see/meet their classmates.

kayla's school is one of the few in our region to have full-time JK so it runs from 8:15am - 245pm.   by the time 2014 comes, all schools in our region will have full-time kindergarten.

during the orientation, hubs and i were observing the other kids in the class.  it's a split JK/SK classroom.  it's amazing how, just by watching the other kids interact with one another, you can tell who is a trouble maker, who is mean (!!), who is a leader, who is a follower and who doesn't care.  don't even begin to judge me for judging others because parents - you know you do the same thing too!

right away, i could tell that these 2 older SK girls were a bit snotty.  just by their behavior towards each other, other kids and how they bossed them around (or tried to), i could just tell.  and yes, i know they're only kids and yes, i should feel bad about calling them "snotty" but i don't.  because they are.   for some reason, kayla naturally gravitates to older children (probably because she's the youngest of all her cousins) and when she went up to those two girls  - who happened to be playing right beside me - and asked to play with them, the one girl loudly said "no, you can't play.  sorry, you can't play with us" and the other just followed and said the same thing.  seeing your child stand there, trying to make new friends, unsure of what to do with a look of obvious hurt on her adorable, sweet face really makes your foot itchy to punt those bitches in the face.   that's right, i said it.   

however, i'm not in jail so you know that i didn't succumb to my natural instinct to kick those girls and instead, we sat back and watched to see what kayla would do (but i really wanted to hug her and give her some guidance as to what she should do).    

with the exception of kayla being really hurt or scared, i try to hold back from rushing to her rescue because i feel that children need to learn now to resolve certain issues on their own; this being one of them.   as kayla grows up, she'll always be facing some kind of non-amicable situation and the more she's able to navigate these situations to her benefit and on her own, the better she gets at perfecting this skill, gaining her self-confidence and independence and better-adjusted to the world around her. 

so, she stood there for a few seconds, walked away  and went to a different part of the room and started playing with some other toys.  i saw her talking to a few other kids so i'm glad that she found a way to figure things out and let that incident slide off her shoulders.  we talked about it after and i explained to her that things are still new to the kids - even the ones who were in JK the year before - so it will take some time to make friends.  we gave her several examples of how even as adults, mommy and daddy still go through an adjustment period and used work as an example.

we know that it will take some time for her to adjust but damn, she'll be facing years of the "mean-girl" syndrome and we all know how cruel girls can be.  

 

kayla's weird "chandler"face (i really don't know why she must make weird faces in the camera).

struggling to make interesting lunches are now part of my life.

trying to be creative and making boring sandwiches more fun by using cookie-cutter shapes.

if she doesn't make a weird face, she makes a silly face.

her labelled lunch.

this girl loves gadgets as much as her parents.  i guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree

 

what happens in the boudoir stays in the boudoir

 

{via}

 

i have very few things on my bucket list; i've crossed off some of them but for the most part, i'm content with what i have, what i've done and where i've gone.   i do however, have one item that was on the bottom of the list and i honestly thought that i'd never get around to it... until recently.

since i've been working out like a madwoman and getting to a fitness level i haven't been since my late teens/early 20s,  i've been seriously considering doing a boudoir photoshoot.  

*gasp*shock* .... i know.  

a long time ago, i saw a movie that had a black and white framed portrait of a woman  wearing nothing but a white shirt that was half unbuttoned, her hair tousled as if she just rolled out of bed.  when i saw that image (and for the life of me, i can't remember the name of the movie), i thought: that is one badass picture... one day i'm going to do that!  well, that day  may come sooner than i thought.  i figure i'm young now, i'm in pretty good shape and i don't know how long this {motioning to body} will last so i want to capture myself in this moment so that when i'm 80 and wrinkled, i can look back and remember this exact time in my life ... and tell my grandkids your granny was a badass motherfucker!

in my opinion, a boudoir shoot can go high on the cheese factor pretty fast.  i prefer tasteful and sexy instead of raunchy and slutty (and i've seen those shots, oh my!).  i don't want thongs or fishnets or  those strappy things that hold up your pantyhose.  i know exactly what i want to wear, what setting i would like to be in and how i want the photographs to look..... my problem is finding a photographer and a make-up artist, who i assume would have to be on-site for the entire shoot.  

i know lots of photographers and makeup artists who are friends but i'm thinking of using complete strangers because i might be a little gun shy when it's time to bare for the camera.  while i know my friends in the industry would be 100% professional if i did decide to hire them, it would be hard for me to keep a straight face  and be serious since i would probably laugh my ass off at every pose and ruin the entire shoot.  

 i would also need to go to a studio since i'm not comfortable doing this in my home.  the search for a toronto boudoir photographer is proving to be difficult mainly because i don't really know what to look for other than reviewing their portfolio.   i don't think any of my friends have done this so i can't ask for a referral either.  

i'd like to do this in spring 2013 when i've reached my fitness goals so i'm glad that i  have some time for more research.   if you've done a boudoir shoot or know of anyone who has, how was it?  please tell me!!

growing up

 

[source]

 

today i witnessed something very sad -- my 4 year old kayla, has been exposed to the evilness that is The Clique.

who would have thought that at the innocent and precious age of 4, such a thing would exist?  that at 4 years old, one could willingly and openly exclude another person?

while i'm no stranger to The Clique, it saddens me that kayla will be facing many years of this;  of battling and overcoming this cruelty as she begins JK this september knowing this type of treachery will only continue during her entire academic career.

so here's what happened:  kayla spends a lot of time with 2 other girls KL and M.  i think that kayla and KL are closer but the three of them are usually together for most of the day.  when kayla arrived at preschool and i was putting her stuff away, KL and M rushed up to her and right in front of me, KL whispered in kayla's ear "don't be M's friend".  

seriously; at 4 years old, what the fuck.  

i know she didn't say anything nasty like "M is a wretched bish" but that's not too far off from what she was saying since the end result, if kayla played along, was they skip off together leaving M alone and hurt.   we've all seen the movie Mean Girls and we hate all three of those blasted C U Next Tuesdays.  i do not want my daughter to be one of those girls.

while i know KL isn't my child and she's only 4, she is obviously old enough to know how to be mean and how to hurt people.   what's even worse is that kayla will pick up on stuff like that.  i see it already... sometimes if she doesn't get her way, she'll say things like "i'm not your friend!" or "i don't like you!".  a couple of times she's told me "i don't love you anymore!"  when i said no to something (that stung a lot *sniff*).  

so, without thinking, i looked KL dead in the eye and firmly told her that she wasn't being nice; that she can't tell someone (kayla) not be friends with other people; that if she was having a problem with M (or anyone), she needs to work it out with that person; not be mean to them.  then i said:  what if M told kayla not to be friends with you, would you like that?  how would that make you feel?  and she responded with "it would make me sad" and so i told her, yes, it would make you sad so that's how M will feel if you say this to other people.   

i know that at this age, kids will fight.  they'll bicker and be silly and not share and say stupid things like "you're a poo-poo head".  i get that.  i get that kayla will have to eventually deal with this on a regular basis.  i get that i won't be there like i was today to defend her if she was ever in that situation and i get that kayla may be on the receiving end several times.  as someone who went through that, it's heart-breaking, cruel and just plain mean. 

the thing is, girls and boys are inherently different.  boys will hit  you in the head, push you down, smack you in the face, trip you.  they may even say things like "you're stupid" or "you're a sissy" but when it comes down to it, they just want to play.  in general, (young) boys rarely hold grudges, forget about fights and once they duke it out, they're pretty much cool with each other and will probably return to playing with each other until the next (fist) fight.

girls on the other hand are maniuplative.  they're cruel and cunning and have a mean streak.  i'm a woman and i'm saying this because it's true.  i'm not saying all girls are like this but we all have a propensity to be this way.  Lous CK (comedian) summed it up perfectly when  he described the difference between and girls:  boys fuck things up; girls are fucked up.  boys just do damage to your house and your body; girls will leave scars in your psyche and fuck with who you are.  

i hate to say it, but he's right.

i've witnessed first hand how cruel girls can be - the cliques, the whispers behind your back, the charade of being your friend but then torturing you with mind-fucks as you do whatever you can to "fit in".  i'm sure we've all been there at one point and while i know it's not as bad now, witnessing KL made me realize just how close kayla is to that type of dynamic.  how do i teach her NOT to follow along?  how do i teach her to be confident enough to walk away, sure of her actions and of herself, if she were the victim of that kind of (cliquey) cruelty?  

alas, this is something that every girl needs to go through, i guess. it sucks and i don't want her to go through it yet i know it's going to happen.  hopefully, she'll be a tomboy and won't have to deal with that crap!

lose weight ... and keep it off

 

[source]

 

i know you all are probably so sick of all my recent posts about exercise and weight loss... yet here's another one.  can you tell i'm obsessed?  but this time it's for YOU in case some of you are looking at making a change in your life.  i wanted to post some of my learnings since in my old age, my body doesn't perform like it used to and this weight loss thing has been a challenge for me.  you're welcome.

after reading a few forums, i noticed that there aren't many people who are aware of how to properly lose weight and keep it off.  it seems that everyone's talking about dropping weight fast; that a quick fix is what people are looking for.  what they seem to forget is that weight loss is a slow process, takes effort and is a lifestyle change.

you have to want it.  i've been in this position before; i try and stop, try and stop... you can even see it in my previous posts within this blog.  in the past, i've tried to get on the weight loss bandwagon and although i thought i could do it, i really wasn't into it.  you know how it is... you think oh, i really should get back  into shape and you put in somewhat of an attempt but there's not much gusto behind your actions.  your determination to stick with something is directly proportionate to your desire for something - when you want something bad enough, you'll do what you need to do to get it.  when i saw that picture of me that spawned OAL, that was enough for me to want this bad enough and stick to it.

there's no such thing as 'fast weight loss'.  even with the most intense interval training, it takes a good 2 to 3 (long) months of fucking hard work and dedication which includes a very precise and regimented nutrition plan.  fad diets and diet pills only set you up for failure because although you may drop some weight quickly, you haven't learned the respect of how hard weight loss is; you haven't made a lifestyle change therefore keeping the weight off is difficult.  when you stop taking those pills or stop that fad diet, your lifestyle largely remains the same and the weight will come back, often double the amount. 

you didn't put the weight on overnight, therefore don't expect to lose the weight overnight.  one of the more common reasons why people give up is because they want results NOW!  setting realistic expectations for yourself and your goals are tantamount to sticking it out for the long haul.  don't expect to see significant results in 3 weeks but more like the 7th or 8th week (depending on your diet and exercise level).  just make sure that you are doing an exercise that you enjoy!  a healthy lifestyle should be something enjoyable, not a chore.

it's a lifestyle change and change takes time.  when you start doing something - especially when it's somethng you don't want to do (like exercise) - it initially will feel like an "effort".  this is because it's different from your current routine and requires you do expend energy on something that you normally don't do.  this is why many will lose steam within the first few weeks but did you know that humans take on average 4 weeks to form a habit?  this means if you do something every day (or nearly every day) consistently for at least 3-4 weeks, it'll no longer feel like an effort but something you'll do because it'll be part of your routine; working out and eating right has now become a habit.  and this, my friends, is how you keep the weight off:  your (new) lifestyle that includes proper nutrition and exercise on a regular basis and is just something you just get up and do will keep you trim and fit. 

change the way you look at food.  many people have a food-to-emotion assocation.  when they feel a certain way - sad, depressed etc - they turn to food for comfort.  if you learn to change your views about food and think of it it as 'fuel' instead of an escape, you can break the association of comfort eating and turn your attention to better ways of dealing with sticky situations (i know this is easier said than done).

the scale is deceiving.  i've only stepped on the scale a handful of time since i started OAL.  it's always been drilled into our heads that our weight should be our focus when in reality, there are too many variances with the scale.  where you are in your cycle, what you ate, water weight, even your own body type are all variances that can throw off the numbers.  the most accurate way to gauge your progress is by taking measurements on a monthly basis.  for example, i've been at this for over 7 months.  i never cheat with my diet, i workout like a motherfucker but when i stepped the scale last week (just for kicks), i discovered that i only lost six pounds since i started.  SIX FUCKING POUNDS IN 7 MONTHS; talk about what the fuck.   if that's not deflating, i don't know what is.  however, i'm losing inches and my body is changing.  if i were to go bywhat the scale said, i would shoot myself in the head and give up.  

you can't exercise your way out of a shitty diet.  weight loss is approximately 80% diet and 20% exercise.  if you eat garbage and work out, you're not doing much but wasting your time.  even if you don't work out and modify your diet, you can lose weight as long as you understand your daily weight loss caloric intake.

peacefully alone

 

 

in a previous post, i mentioned that i got some weird looks at a restaurant as i dined alone during lunch.  in fact, even the server gave me this awww, i'm so sorry! look as she took my order which was a little insulting but whatevs.

the fact of the matter is, i like being alone.   and in many cases, i prefer to do things alone because i know what i need to do and i get it done.  this includes shopping (at the mall), eating or running errands.   i see women congregated together at the mall; chatting and shopping and sometimes i wonder if i'm missing some sort of gene.   i guess in some ways, i'm not a 'typical woman' (totally generalizing here) but i don't like to talk a lot, i like silence and i don't like to walk aimlessly around (at the mall or other places).  unless i'm at an event where i know there'll be mingling or browsing, i prefer silence over talking for the sake of talking.  

large groups don't appeal to me anymore.  while i used to do things in groups (when i was younger and my group consisted of at least 20 people), i always found myself breaking away from the group to do my own thing.  i never kept up with the joneses, never followed the "cool kids" by doing something (stupid) just because they did and if i wanted to do something that no one else wanted to do, i just did it on my own.   this happened a lot.   as i got older, i learned that large groups attempting to do anything accomplishes nothing but add delay and hinder completion.  i'm a goal-oriented gal and if i have a goal to accomplish, i do it on my own because those who dilly-dally will just annoy and upset me.  

people sort of annoy me.   this sounds so mean but it's true.   not "people" as in everyone but people who talk a lot.   you know those types -- those who don't like lulls in conversation and feel a need to fill the silences with talk... and talk... and talk.   i like it when it's quiet; even in a group setting, i don't mind if there are silences; i actually prefer it over nonsensical yammering that has nothing to do with anything.  in fact, when i hear groups of women talking or bullshit on the tv (that hubs is watching) and there are people just yakking on and on, i have to walk away because it grates on my nerves.

don't get me wrong, i love hanging out with my friends and talking to them.  when we get together, i know it's going to be all about catching-up, laughter and chit-chat about anything and nothing.  however, friends understand comfortable silences and let them be.  

 

do you like being alone?