Vodka and Soda

Bribes and Threats - your tools to successfully raising kids!

Before I had Kayla, I would secretly judge parents who bribed their kids into doing what they wanted.  I said to myself:  omg, I'm never going to do that!  My kid will know what's right from wrong because I'm going to teach him/her.

Yeah, that plan didn't pan out so well.

It's hard rationalizing with toddlers who are, by nature, slaves to their impulses.  They live in the here and now so compromises usually don't work and for real yo, I'm not above using bribery and/or threats to get Kayla to do something if the situation fits.  Of course, this is all within reason; I would never bribe her with bad things or threaten to send her to bed without dinner but if it means that we can calmly put drops in her eyes by using Smarties as a reward, then bring on the Smarties.  In fact, I went out and bought a whole box at Costco since I discovered that Smarties are a big deal to my kid.  Like, so big that she went from being a screaming, twisty, arm flailing kid who didn't want us to put drops in her eyes to a smiling, happy, wide-eyed ball of sunshine as soon as I said the word "Smarties".  I damn near taped the box to my forehead as I struggled with putting those drops in her eyes.

When it comes to threats, I will threaten to take away her Elmo doll or other toys if she doesn't stop whatever bad behavior she's doing.  Two things I will not tolerate is bad behavior (hitting, biting etc) or rude back-talk.  You let that shit go at this age, they'll always do it and it'll get worse as they get older. I have never called my mom a bitch or mouthed off to her; even when I was a crazy, rebellious teenager, thought I knew it all, went out at all hours of the night and did all sorts of bad things, I knew my limits and if I ever mouthed off to my mom that would be the end of me.  I would get it far worse if I cussed her out than if I stayed out until 5am.  This is because my mom never tolerated that crap; I would get the beat down if I crossed that line and while I would never spank Kayla, I certainly don't put up with that behaviour so I nip that shit in the bud quick.

I try to be a fair parent; if Kayla refuses to comply, I will give her a choice (both of which I'll be happy with the result).  I found rather quickly that at this age, toddlers want to assert their independence so if you position it so that it seems they're the ones who made the choice, they're more likely to happily go with it instead of throwing themselves facedown and freaking out.  

In all cases, Kayla will only get one warning with an explanation of the consequence.  If she doesn't listen, they're gone for the day.  She can scream or cry all she wants but I will always follow through. To be honest, Kayla's screaming or crying doesn't bother me in the least if she's being bad.  She can sit there and freak out for a half hour if she wanted and I'll  just go on about my business.  She used to do that quite a bit at the mall when she was around 1 year old and I would sit or stand there waiting for her to finish her tantrum, pick herself up from the floor and eventually return to my side.  Sometimes I would wait there for up to 20 minutes while other parents walked by me with a judgemental expression on their faces.  I once looked at these judgemental moms who were pushing their babies in the stroller and said:  "oh don't worry - you'll get here."

In the coming weeks, we'll be getting Kayla a new big-girl bed and I'm totally expecting her night routine to go out the window.  I don't know about other parents, but I cherish the time when Kayla goes to bed because although I love spending time with her and she's all kinds of hilarious, she is a handful and at times, she can be quite exhausting.  Never have I seen a kid with so much energy.  So when she's finally free from the walls of her crib, I fully expect her to be wandering around at night and getting into all sorts of trouble which means my peaceful nights will be no more. 

I'm collecting an arsenal of tried and true bribes so if you can think of any suggestions, I'm not beyond trying them and send them my way.

"Good enough parenting"

I wanted to post something I came across in one of the books I usually reference.  It's an entry written by a doctor named Karen Pierce, who wrote this for Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.  This section is an excerpt from a longer article she wrote but makes a lot of sense.

Parental confidence can make the parenting job much easier, even despite the inevitable problems and pitfalls of child rearing.  We all make mistakes.  This is why a prominent pediatrician called parenting "good enough", meaning that there is no one style of parenting that is perfect.  The first time the parent misses a messy diaper does not "damage" a child. However, repeated failures of misreading the child's signal will have an impact.  The emotional microenvironment is growth-promoting or growth-inhibiting, depending on the caregiver's ability to read her child's affective state.  It is the patter of daily response, not the moment-to-moment response, that a baby internalizes and forms memories of. 

Missing one signal in an infant's life will not cause permanent damage as long s as the parent learns and does not repeat the same mistakes.  Good-enough parenting includes maintaining a child's arousal within a moderate range that is high enough to maintain interactions but not so intense as to cause avoidance or distress.  Optimal stimulation produces a balance between positive feelings and awareness and internal tension.  Too much stimulation, like tickling, can quickly become unpleasantly intense if not properly dosed.  Lack of proper regulation by parents prevents the emergence of a system to cope with heightened levels of arousal and discomfort.  Sleep is just one example where a child needs to develop internal regulation.

A child must have the conviction that her surroundings are secure, providing pleasure and satisfaction while preventing or balancing anxiety.  This includes both bodily needs and emotional needs.  With mother as a secure base, the baby is free to explore the world.  Babies who are securely attached to their caregivers respond more positively to peers and teachers later in life.  A baby's security manifests itself by a balance of interest, curiosity, pleasure, and exploration of the environment. 

The protective response, innate to most caregivers, is sometimes interpreted as "never frustrate your child".  This is virtuously impossible.  Babies need to learn to tolerate frustration and learn self-soothing techniques to calm themselves and prepare them for life's inevitable obstacles.  Gentle limits are the way to do this.  A dilemma occurs when a parent needs to step away to promote growth.  When babies learn to walk, first they creep along the furniture, and then they hold on to a hand.  Eventually both baby and caregiver must let go so that independent walking will occur.  Both parent and child feel anxiety at this separation.  Struggles appear as each development task, such as rolling over, sitting, standing and talking is mastered.  This is normal and may consist of an increase in fussiness or frustration experienced by both baby and caregiver.  As each new step occurs, challenges and tensions are introduced, resolved and masted.  

When do caregivers step away?  Sometimes adults have the tendency to infer adult meanings from the child's actions.  It is important to remember that a baby may not be feeling or experiencing what the adult feels.  We cannot "read" an infant's mind.  Too often, adults have a tendency to project their own feelings on to the baby and not really listen to or attune to their baby.  The grandmother who is cold tells her granddaughter to put on a sweater.  This assumption that we know what is going on in an infant's internal world can lead to conflicts in parenting if we project instead of attune.  Try to understand your own baby's needs and not confuse them with your own

Looking for daycare? Things you should know and ask

It's best to look for a daycare center as soon as you can.  Similar to when you were searching for a pediatrician before your baby was born, it's also wise to plan ahead and search for a good daycare in your area.  Daycare centers usually have long waiting lists - especially for the Infant Program - so if you're too late, you could miss out on the opportunity to enroll your child into a good center and have to search for alternate centers in the mean time.

Searching and enrolling for a good daycare can be scary; it's hard to think about another person, or people, other than your family taking care of your children.  If your child eats or doesn't eat specific things or sleeps in certain conditions, you will begin thinking: "oh, my baby will never eat!"  or "she'll never sleep!".  Oh believe, me, I've been there.  That is why it took me over a year to enroll Kayla in part-time daycare; I wasn't even able to think about full-time.  You see, Kayla naps in very specific conditions - pitch black room with a white noise machine.  It's been that way since she was about 4mos old and I haven't really changed it other than remove one panel of the room-darkening drapes which didn't really make a difference.  So needless to say, I was terrified that Kayla wouldn't eat or sleep.

On my quest to find a daycare center, I was looking for a center that would pretty much do exactly as I do it at home which is of course, impossible but that doesn't stop mothers from giving daycare directors the third degree and asking every question in the book and is exactly what you should do.  The caregivers will be with your child for most of the day so you want to feel comfortable with the environment and the people who will become an integral part of your child's life.  Here are some things to consider and ask when interviewing for a daycare center (this isn't an exhaustive list - I suggest you Google for a variety of questions but the ones listed below are key):

• make an appointment and speak with the director.  Ask the following questions:
• • are there part time and full time schedules available
  • hours of operation including holidays
  • drop off and pick up times and what are the policies (and additional charges) for late drop off and pick up
  • availability of the director and contact information. When is she usually available?  This is so you can  know if you are to call at a certain time if you have questions or if she/he is readily available
  • is the daycare licensed and audited on a regular basis?  what are the frequencies for audits and license evaluation?
  • qualification of all teachers, screening process for new teachers and if the screening process includes a criminal background check (you never know!)
  • how often the teachers are required to 'refresh' or update their certifications
  • are the teachers CPR certified
  • children to teacher ratio
  • what is the center's policy around illness
  • what is the program/curriculum?  how often are the programs rotated/updated
  • how does the center deal with inappropriate behavior (biting/hitting etc) and what are the discipline protocols
  • how does the center deal with 
  • ask to review the center's license and feedback/audit reports
  • turn-over rate of teachers
  • ask for references
• take a tour of the center and visit every room.  Take a look at the surroundings and where your child will be eating, sleeping and playing
• •  is each child assigned a crib or floor mat
  • what things do you need to bring for your child vs what the daycare provides
  • does the daycare provide meals if so, what meals are provided vs what you need to bring
  • is the environment clean
  • are things organized (as best as possible)
• look on the walls - are there information boards that are updated for parents to read?
• what is your gut instinct about the center?  this is very important - if something doesn't sit right with you about anything within the center, cross it off your list.  The last thing you  need is to feel uneasy and anxious during the day while your child is under their care
• stand outside and wait for parents as they pick up their children.  Ask them how/what they feel about the center and the teachers/staff.  Word of mouth feedback is extremely important as parents will openly discuss the positive/negatives about the center

The more comfortable you are with the daycare center in which you enroll your child, the more pleasant the entire process will be.  Knowing that your concerns and feedback will be addressed immediately and effectively will reduce your anxiety ten-fold and your child will be happier in the process (as will you!)

Home Daycare facilities

Don't discount home daycare facilities during your search.  While it's true that home daycare centers aren't audited by the government, they do have to adhere to government policies when taking care of children.  As with with regulated facilities, home daycare centers can be reported to the government and investigated if there is any misappropriate behavior. 

You may have heard horror stories about home daycare facilities - caregivers place babies in a playpen all day, poor facilities etc - and while it's sad that abusers of these facilities give home daycares a bad name, there are some excellent facilities that are well-equipped with great programs for children. 

With home daycares, you have to be a bit more diligent in your research.  Visiting the home and asking very pointed and detailed questions is a must.  In addition to the above questions, you must also ensure that there is no smoking in the home or surrounding area.  Make sure that the entire house is child-proof and if there are any pets, ensure that they kept away from the play area.  While having pets can benefit children from a learning perspective,  they cannot be left alone unsupervised with the children.  Always always, go with your instinct (as with anything) when you visit and interview a home daycare.  Because they are not regularly audited by the government, your best bet is to go with a word-of-mouth referral and/or your gut instinct.

My daughter is in a home daycare run by a woman who has 30 years of experience, is certified in Early Childhood Education and has incredible learning programs for the children.  I was referred to this center by my best friend who had his son enrolled as an alternative because his son was on the waiting list for the toddler program in a larger facility in our neighborhood.  It ended up that he was reluctant to withdraw his son from the home daycare and only did so because he would have lost is ($400) enrollment fee. I am incredibly please with my decision because Kayla loves it there and since she started, her language has increased significantly I can't believe that at 22mos, she's saying or doing the things she does. 

Montessori Schools

Just because a school is labeled as "Montessori" doesn't necessarily mean it's a true Montessori school with accredited programs and facilities.  There has been a Montessori boom in the last few years with parents clamoring to get their child enrolled into a Montessori school however, not all schools are equal.  While there are some excellent Montessori facilities, there are also not-so-great ones.  As with any daycare center, be sure to ask for references and the most detailed of questions.  Montessori schools are audited on a regular basis however, the difference is between a regular daycare center and a Montessori school is that Montessoris  are 'graded' meaning, you can research and find the top Montessori schools in your area based on government audits and results.  The staff at highly rated Montessori schools are screened closely for certifications and experience.  Top Montessori schools charge top dollar - up to $1400/child/month - but that is because they are accredited and well-rated. 

Then I've heard about some regular daycare centers relabeling themselves as Montessori to justify charging a higher enrollment fee.  Be aware of such facilities.  If you are thinking about enrolling your child into a Montessori school, make sure you are diligent in your research and ensure that the school you are considering is a "true" Montessori.  

It is up to you as a parent to decide what is best for your child.  Which ever is the path chosen, just make sure that you follow your gut instinct and do your research before enrolling your child into any school.

Busy Moms: Time-Saving Tips

Now that I've started working again, I don't have much time in the mornings to get ready, get Kayla ready and head out the door.  Besides, I've never been one to spend hours getting ready or deciding on what to wear, getting ready etc so here are some time-saving tips that shave minutes off my day:

Have your outfit ready to wear then night before.  Before you go to bed, look through your closet and figure out what you're going to wear the next day.  Lay everything out from socks to pants, bras and shirt (even shoes if they're in your closet rather than downstairs in your foyer) so when you get up the next morning, there's no fumbling around ripping clothes off hangars and trying to put together a decent outfit in a few minutes.

Buy clothes that don't wrinkle or are wrinkle-resistant.  If your office dress code is business casual or formal, there are lots of shirts/pants that are wrinkle-resistant.  If you're like me who hates to iron, this is a great way to save time.  Or you can just iron your stuff the night before and have it all ready for the next day.

Shower (and wash your hair) before you go to bed.  I don't know about you, but I'd rather spend that 20mins in bed than in the shower.  

Prepare and pack your lunch the night before.  Pack everything you plan to eat in containers, including utensils, drinks and snacks in your lunch bag.  I tend to eat berries with yogurt as a snack so I throw in a bunch of berries in a container - unwashed otherwise it gets soggy - and wash them when I'm ready to eat them.  I also pre-cut strawberries so I don't have to carry a knife to do it and all I have to do is wash them.  This allows you to just grab the entire thing before you go rather than spend a few minutes to pack everything up.

Put on the bare essentials of your makeup and then put the rest on at the office.  Bare essentials meaning tinted moisturizer (or foundation), concealer and translucent powder.  The other things (if you wear them) - mascara, blush, lipstick/lip gloss - are small enough to put in your purse so you can complete your look as soon as you get in.

Always check your gas tank when driving home from work.  I hate having to stop on the way to work to fill up on gas (when DH forgets to do it and I have a surprise waiting for me the next morning) so I make sure that my tank is full (or at least at half) so I don't have to stop.  You'd be surprised how traffic can build during the few minutes you spend pumping gas.

Plan your child's outfit the way you plan yours.  Morning-time battles with kids regarding what they're going to wear can often turn into a battle of wills. Always give options to your child regarding the type of clothing he wants to wear but don't give him too many choices - it's good to let him choose between say, wearing jeans or wearing his brown khakis and his white shirt or his black one.  Even down the the socks and shoes he wants to wear, always let him decide which one of the two options he wants to wear.  This will help your little one feel independent and that he has some form of control over his decisions. 

Invest in a good slow-cooker.  It sure feels good to be able to come home and have a hot meal waiting for you without having to slave over a hot stove.  You will have to do some prep work the night before but in the morning, throw everything that you've prepared into the slow cooker and follow the cooking instructions.  Within 8-10hrs, your dinner will be juicy, savory and waiting for you.

Product Review: Hydrasense Nasal Aspirator

I’ve been on a product review kick for some time now because Kayla is sick.  This is probably the 5th or 6th time she’s gotten sick since she started daycare in October 2009.  Look for more product review posts in the coming days because I’ve got a lot of them scheduled to be posted almost every day.

When your baby has a cold, you feel so bad for her and will do anything or buy anything that you heard or think will work.  One of my main concerns is giving Kayla some relief with nasal congestion and in a previous product review, I raved about the Arianna Babyvac and how amazing it is.  However, considering you need the attach it to your vacuum, I needed something quieter that would work almost as well if I ever had to suction Kayla’s nose at night.

This is when I began my hunt for the best manual nasal aspirator.  I’ve tried those silly bulb aspirators and found them to be completely useless at removing anything substantial from Kayla’s nose.  As I was in Walmart stocking up on Hydrasense, I saw that they made their own nasal aspirator so given the fact that I swear by Hydrasense to flush out Kayla’s nose, I picked it up without even bothering to read how it works.  I didn’t see a bulb attached to the end and immediately assumed that it is a good product.  It’s amazing how, once a brand wins over the consumer’s trust, they keep coming back without even doing a little research on a new product they put out.

How it works:

1. After cleaning the aspirator prior to use, open the bulbous end and insert 1 filter
2. I recommend using Hydrasense Ultra Gentle Mist first to liquify the mucus before using the aspirator
3. Lay baby flat on her back and gently insert the tip into baby’s nose, making sure to create a seal
4. Inhale using the mouthpiece to gently draw out the mucus.  The mouthpiece allows you to control the suction power.  The mucus is collected in the bulb chamber and mucus cannot pass through it.
5. Gently rotate the tip in baby’s nose to ensure drainage of mucus
6. When finished, unscrew, remove the filter and discard.  Rinse with hot water and let dry

My experience

For a manual aspirator, it’s a good one.  I had to use it last night and I managed to get a good chunk of mucus out of her nose.  I like the fact that the collection chamber is clear so you can see how much mucus is coming out and I like the fact that it’s simple to use.  Cleaning it is really easy – you just unscrew the bulb, throw away the filter and rinse it out.  It’s important to make sure you get the angle right when you insert the tip – I find that if you insert it slightly tipped towards the outer nostril, you get a better chance at sucking out the mucus and when I do get the angle right, I can get a good amount of booger out from her nose.  I also like the fact that you can control the suction with your mouth so if you see your baby starting to squirm, you can reduce the suction.  Wiggle the tip gently in baby’s nose while sucking to really get the mucus out.

At first, it was a bit hard to ensure that you screwed the bulb together because if you wiggled it, it would come apart.  I guess the point is to make it easy for you to be able to unscrew it so once I had a good fit, I was good to go.

The only thing I would change is the mouth-piece part – I think it should be just a little bigger because sometimes it slips out from my mouth if Kayla is wiggling around.  Other than that, it’s a very good product.  Also, I can’t seem to find the replacement filters.  I haven’t seen them at Walmart or the local drug store so either they’re on back-order because it’s a popular product or they didn’t order it.  I will be sure to ask the pharmacist next time I go.   I also haven’t tried using it without the filter because I don’t want any mucus in my mouth!

Overall, I rate this product a 8.5/10.  I do feel that it’s the best manual aspirator on the market considering that most of the manual aspirators I’ve seen are those stupid bulb ones.

Product rating:  8/10

Product Review: Arianna BabyVac

I’ve written about this product before in my post about caring for your sick baby but I thought I’d do an actual product review since not many people (at least the people that I know) are aware of this product..

 The Arianna BabyVac is by far, one of the best products in the market.  I discovered this through some friends during a playdate and one of the babies was sick.  At the time, Kayla had never been sick so I was weary about letting her play with the little boy but I was asking questions about how I would go about clearing Kayla’s nose if she were to ever get sick.  Well doesn’t my friend whip out this strange contraption you see here.  I was surprised she had it with her but she never leaves home without it.  Where she would plug it in other than Sears, The Bay or at a hospital, I have no idea but she alwys has it in her baby bag.

This my friend, is a must-have addition to your medicine cabinet.  Let me explain how it works.

Caring For Your Sick Child

When your baby is sick, it can be a scary thing.  for one, you don’t know what medicine is good or bad and you’re weary to give them anything the doctor doesn’t approve or instruct.  however, as you become more seasoned in parenting, you learn about other ways to alleviate your child’s symptoms and help her feel more comfortable during their illness and the common cold or stomach flu doesn’t worry you as much.  it’s the new sicknesses that you’ve never dealt with before that worry you.

The Common Cold

It’s pretty much a guarantee that when your child begins daycare, she’ll be sick most of the first year.  Exposure to different viruses, while troublesome for you because you have to deal with a wakeful, miserable baby – is actually good for her because it helps build her immune system.

Symptoms of the common cold are what we experience – nasal congestion, sore throat, runny nose, cough, low-grade fever.  the difference though, is that we can take medicine to relieve us of congestion and cough; babies under 2yrs cannot.  So here’s my cold-fighting arsenal whenever Kayla gets sick: