Vodka and Soda

where did you come from?

 

two fun bloggy ladies are hosting a hilarious linkup - and i never do link-ups because i'm way too lazy to do the work - so this goes to show the epic awesomeness of this game.  join in!

i have google analytics linked to this blog but never check it because of said laziness.  however, driven to find out what brings people to my blog, here are some crazy searches that i found:

"khaleesi eyebrows".  the sheer fact that a game of thrones search term brings people to my blog should make me the winner. 

"how to cut crap out of your food cold turkey".  i'm assuming this person was looking for the term "clean eating".

"beautiful labias".  i have never written about my labia but i do write about how angry i am at my vagina  quite a bit, so i accept this.

"can vodka treat depression".  no, but it can certainly make your life happier!

"crazy girl at maroon 5 concert".  a lot of girls lose their shit when they see adam levine (duh, who wouldn't?)  and that's exactly what i wrote about here.

"i fart in my sleep".  anything mentioning farts makes me laugh.  seriously, winner right here.

"nanananananananana trance".  not sure what the fuck this is about or why it has anything to do with my blog.

"you are a fuck pic".  don't even know what to say to this.

 people search for some weird shit on the interwebs! 

did you link up? what did you find?  if not, what are you waiting for?

humpday confessions

 

i hate myself right now.  not only did i have to suffer through an ugly situation that made an encore appearance because of a stupid move i did, i broke out in nasty zits, caught a fucking cold and then my period showed up.  you have no idea of the black and evil hatred i have for my vagina and anus right now.  needless to say, it was less than a stellar month for me.

it irritates me when bloggers who used to blog about everything random and fun are now only blogging about babies/kids.  there, i said it.  i totally get that this is a huge step in your life but i'm a mom too and while i do blog the occasional pic of kayla, i also have other things i want to write about....that means i want to read about other things going on in your life too!

i really really really want to unfollow some people on twitter and instagram but slightly concerned about the backlash.

i haven't worked out consistently the past 2 weeks due to said horrifying experience and now i feel all weak and small. 

on that note, i'm scared to lift heavy again for fear of "them" returning.  do you know how hard it is to focus on lifting while at the same time, trying to concentrate at puckering up your butthole because you're scared to strain it?  not an easy feat.  then i start wondering during my workout:  am i straining? should i adjust?  will i get them again?    it's so fucking frustrating.

 

because i'm in the healing stages, i do everything in my power to help things along which includes carrying this bag to the washroom when it's poop time at work.  what it really hides are my home-made Tucks pads (square cotton pads soaked in witch hazel in a ziploc <-- another genius move on my part) and baby wipes (yes, i said baby wipes) but because it's in a fancy bag, people are none the wiser.   incognito level:  expert.

i'm wearing denim that have no lycra or spandex in them.  you have no idea how proud i am of this moment.

 why is it that there are bloggers who just refuse to respond to your comments or visit your site?!?

i wonder how some bloggers have 1232987345987234 followers and nearly as many comments on their posts.  damn, how much time do you have to spend to amass that many friends/followers?

i have nothing else to confess.  the end.

thursday laffs

 

....and also because i have nothing else interesting to write about.  enjoy!

 

 

this is so true!

 

LOLz

 

  LOL! look at their faces!

 

 

 

if you've ever played with a kid, you know this to be true.

 

 

 

 

how we all look after a long weekend of drinking.

 

 

 

 

 

genius.

 

 

 

 

 have a great thursday, everyone!

tuesday confessions......

 

....i'm obsessed with this eco-friendly, all natural cleaner called Universal Stone (new post coming soon).  it cleans everything to a sparkling shine!

....i'm so proud of myself for kicking it out of the park yesterday.  i was SO TIRED when i got home from work but instead of lying down to take a nap (which is what i really wanted to do), i went for a 40-minute run before getting kayla from school and then headed downstairs to work on my core...and this was after doing body beast at 5am.

....unless it's a major deadline, my rule every morning is to not do anything work-related until 9am.  before that, i'm lurking the web or blogging/commenting on blogs.  then at 9am, i'm officially on the clock and immerse myself in my work.

....i secretly think that people who dress up at my work actually suck at their job. my interactions with these people has confirmed my thoughts.

....i decline all meeting requests that occur over lunch. people know this too and will always schedule a call before or after lunch because they know they'll get an earful from me. this is my "me" time - my 1 hour of relaxtation during an otherwise crazy day so respect that.

....when it's quitting time, it's quitting time.  i literally get up from my desk, grab my purse/jacket and walk away.  i competely "switch off" and don't even think about work the second i leave my desk.  how else can you focus on family if you don't do this?

....i'm so jelly of my mom!  not only is she retiring this week but she's also leaving for a 6-week trip to asia!  oh, how i would love to retire....

....speaking of my mom, i'm really worried about her trip to Hong Kong.  she's travelling alone and isn't the best at speaking or writing in english so i'm worried about her navigating the airport or filling out those customs forms :(

....i don't even bother trekking it up to a different floor when i have to take a dump at work. i figure, if you enter a bathroom, you risk getting offended by bathroom-typical smells.  deal with it.

....i've been unsubscribing from blogs these days because i don't hear from the author - ever!  i get that you're busy - as we all are - but if i can take a few minutes out of my busy day to read and leave a comment on your blog, you could do the same and respond to my comment!  hmph.

....twitter has been annoying me lately. same with instagram.  i almost want to quit.

....kayla says she doesn't like school....and she's only in JK.  this worries me! what will happen when she has to do real work in school and study?!

....i mentally berate myself during every workout.  i've even called myself a pussy a few times to push myself harder.  you gotta do what you gotta do!

....that bombing in Boston is what the fuck is wrong with this damn world.  my hope for humanity is quickly shrinking and i'm utterly horrified at the violence that is rocking this world.  my thoughts are with those affected in the Boston bombing. 

 

hammer time

 found a hilarious post from a few years ago... one of my favorites that i wanted to (re)share.

 

our lunch table discussions at work are all kinds of hilarious.  the other day, we were swapping embarrassing drunk stories and it was good to know that i wasn't the only one who has made an ass of myself while drinking the devil's poison.

i started drinking when  i was a wee teenager and that went on until i was about 20 or so when i discovered the underground scene and uh, found other ways to get awesome.  while i've never gone so far as to vomit all over myself (yuck), i do have some funny stories.

 

what you see here is a graphical depiction of what happend many years ago.  i was probably around 18 at the time and i woke up on my lawn.  i know what you're thinking:  that kathy is all kinds of klassy.  noticed i spelled klassy with a "k". 

back in my hardcore party days, i used to drink - a lot.  after about 3 drinks, party kathy made her appearance and stayed all.night.long.  she was pretty awesome too. it didn't matter if it was a school night; i was out partying until the wee morning hours, get about 1-2 hours of sleep, head off to school (hung over), come home and then do it all over again.  how i graduated is beyond me.  how i avoided cirrhosis of the liver is an even bigger mystery because i think i was  hammered most of my teenage years.  but let's get back to this story.

to be honest, i don't remember what i did or where i went on this night of embarassing debauchery.  it's likely i went clubbing, it's likely it was a friday or saturday night because those nights i partied the hardest and there's a good chance that i was probably doing shots! shots! shots! shots! shots! shots, errrrbody!.  most likely tequila shots or as i used to call it: "the drink that makes you lose your soul and/or pants".  i have no idea who i went with or who drove me home but what i do remember is waking up because something was digging into my neck (a twig), i was cold (i could've sworn i brought a jacket but it was no where to be found) and my foot was wet since i'd lost one of my shoes.  god, this memory is screaming back to me.  i opened my eyes to find myself on my front lawn, lying under my neighbor's tree and when i looked up, i saw my neighbour - a quiet little indian woman who didn't speak any english - peering down at me, eyes wide with fright, holding her phone ready to dial 911 because of the dead body on her front lawn.  no wait, that was me.

what i wanted to do was go back to sleep but being the lady that i am, i got up, brushed off the twigs, and grass from my clothes, picked out the leaves from my hair, smiled and waved hello.  i tried to act normal as i walked towards my porch but it's sort of hard, especially when i looked like i just crawled out of the devil's asshole.  and knowing my luck, my mom was probably yelling at me the minute i opened the door, making my hangover that much more fun. 

ah, the good times....

Random Tuesdays - back from vacay, back to the grind

 

not me, haha!!

i'm back!  after 7 days of frantic disney awesomeness, 3 major shopping hauls (goddamn the outlets!) and 3 days of relaxing on the beautiful beaches of st. petersburg, it's nice to be home.  i'll do a proper vacay update soon but i've missed blogging (i guess distance really does makes the heart grow fonder) and wanted to post this quick update.  it's going to be a jumbled mess of a post but i'm sitting in my hotel room on a sunday night (this is a scheduled post, obviously) waiting for hubs to put kayla to bed and thankful for free wifi.

oh readers (or anyone who really cares), you're going to luuuurve my haul post.  i can't wait to show you (and wear) everything that i bought!

disney is fucking expensive but so worth it if you have kids.  just watching their faces light up when they see the characters is priceless.

i love target.  it was the first place we hit as soon as we landed in orlando (fuck the hotel) and raped that place three more times while we were here. 

during my whole vacation, i didn't cheat ONCE.  they bought bags and bags of chips and other goodies - even some things that aren't released in canada yet - and i stayed strong.  gimme a high five.

but it didn't matter if i didn't eat junk because i bloated up anyway, thanks to my fucking period.  not only does my goddamn bleeding vagina ruin underwears, but also vacations so instead of flaunting my bikini ready body that i worked so hard to get for this trip, i ended up looking like a beached whale anyway :(

i finally learned how to use my dslr camera!  thanks lisa, for the tips :)

with the free wifi in the hotels, i managed to download all of my shows and keep up-to-date.  i LOVED vampire diaries' most recent episode and laughed my ass off at big bang theory.

one of the most precious moments of my trip was when kayla turned to me and said: "i love this vacation, mommy.  i'm having so much fun and i wish we didn't have to go.  thank you for this!"

 at least i don't have to come back from vacation and go back to work!  sorry, hubs :(

hope you all had a great week and a half!  i'll post more later after i get through my mountains of laundry

random tuesdays: blog fail, update

 

i've been a bad blogger.  my last post was almost 2 weeks ago.... the longest break i've taken since i started this blog.   i don't know why but my flair for blogging has been dwindling fast.  i'm the same with twitter; most of the time i just read the timeline but don't contribue as much as i used to.   and because i'm too lazy and uninspired to write out a real post, here's what i've been up to the past few weeks:

  disney world, orlando florida | st. petersburg, clearwater florida

 

i'm going on vacation, bishes!!  7 nights at disney world and 3 nights at st. pete's beach. we leave on friday and we're going with another couple and their kids; one of them is kayla's age and they love playing together.  target, here i come!

thanks to my workouts and clean eating, for the first time in 7 years, i'm pretty much beach ready.  i can now prance around in my bikini without feeling like a beached whale.

speaking of bikinis, my current ones are too big; as in the bottoms won't even stay on.  as i frantically ripped through my drawers last night trying to find something to take on vacation, i decided to try my luck with my old bikinis, circa 1999 and they fit goddammit, they fucking fit!  i was so happy i almost cried.

i didn't eat any dessert during any of the thanksgiving dinners this weekend.  not a drop.  not even the home-made pumpkin pie with short-bread crust and it looked so.fucking.good.

the earrings i bought from stella and dot don't irritate my ears, yay!  i was terrified that i would have an allergic reaction (the reason why i let them close all those years ago) but i didn't and they look awesome.  i wear them whenever i can.

i had to do a mini clothes haul.  i tried my best to wear my larger sized clothes as long as i possibly could but i can't wear them anymore without looking frumpy and big.  i can't tell you how great it feels to buy a shirt or dress and select "S" or "XS" again.  thank you, beachbody programs!!!

speaking of beachbody, i was contacted last week by their communications company.  the rep mentioned that they've been following this lil' 'ol blog of mine (the fitness updates) and wanted to know if i'd like to review their brazilian butt lift program.   uh, YES PLEASE!!  i love beachbody programs -- they've changed my life -- and this couldn't have come at a better time because i was wondering what i should do next after p90x.  i'm excited to receive the package!

i'm wrestling with thoughts of how i can squeeze in workouts between all the craziness of disney.  hubs and i are both bringing workout gear and will be hunting for the gym upon our arrival.

i hate banks.  they fuck you with crazy service charges and then give you a hard time when you try and close the account.  so i thought i'd be clever and stick it to the man by opening up a no-fee unlimited everything (personal) chequing account but when i tried to link it to my business savings account, they told me i couldn't because it wasn't a designated business chequing account.  goddammit.  i thought i could trick them and get away with it.  guess i'm not so clever after all bah!

those Toms booties i bought?  totally awesome and so incredibly comfortable. i rock them with my skinny jeans.

those hunter boots i really wanted to buy?  negatory.  it appears they can't comfortably accommodate my ginormous calves.   while i love having muscular legs, it does present some fashion challenges, namely ill-fitting skinny jeans (legs are snug with a too-big waist) and the inability to wear cute boots.

 i want to buy these cord leggings from Gap but i don't want to pay $70 for them.  i have trouble spending that kind of money when i know old navy has something similar for more than half the price.  my friend ordered a bunch and they're so comfortable and soft and i know they would look so awesome with my new Toms booties.  i missed the 30% off sale (damn!) so i'm going to hunt for them in florida.

 

kayla started dance class!  acro/jazz is every saturday with a (costumed) recital in May.  i can't wait for that!

 

she's also getting a lot better at drawing.  i love that she loves arts and crafts!  it's amazing to see your child grow and develop these skills.

 

thanksgiving long weekend or not, the girls always have fun at grandma/grandpa's house after sunday dinner.  they love playing dress-up and horsing around.  every weekend they put on a "show" and hand out "tickets".  it's so adorable.

 

that cold that kayla had?  well, now i have it.  last night i felt a tickle in my throat and this morning, i woke up with a stuff nose.  awesome.  just when we're leaving this week for vacation, this shit has to happen.  so if you have any remedies that kicks a cold's ass quick, please let me know!!

hope you all had a great weekend!

 

 

random update - fall lusts, pissy moods and other shit going on in my head

 

 

i'm in a foul mood right now which isn't the norm considering my period is almost over.  it must be the weather - with fall officially here, the clouds in the sky, the temperatures dropping and the fact that summer is over, i guess i'm in a funk.

it also didn't help that kayla and i had a bull-fucking-shit morning that started off with her freaking out and crying over i have no idea, more crying and wailing and then her being late for school because of all that bullshit.  throw in some of me yelling out of sheer frustration and my inability to comprehend why she has to do this at least 2 out of the 7 days of the week.   i hate starting the day off like this - her crying and then me yelling - because i'm so frustrated that she just can't get up, pick out her clothes and get dressed instead of rolling around, complaining and whining about random things and/or just lying there for no reason.  during bad days like this, we both end up really pissed and it's all downhill from there.  then i feel like shit because i yelled at her and i think that i should really be more calm because she IS only four but then i think what the hell, she's FOUR YEARS OLD not four months old and knows better than this.  the struggles we have as a parent as we try our damdest to keep our cool while trying to navigate through the frustration of raising our kids can sometimes be overwhelming.   right now i'm riddled with guilt over how we left things: me rushing her to school because she was already late and barely able to say goodbye as the office lady rushed her to class.   christ, this shit is happening and she's only FOUR; i don't even want to think about when she's a hormonal sixteen year old.  by then, i'll probably be in the mad house.

anyway.....

i also haven't been blogging because it's been feeling like such a chore these days.  since i've been at home and turned into a lazy asshole, there's not much to write other than updates to my fitness program which i'm sure y'all are sick of.  i'm sick of them too.  sometimes i think "goddammit, i've been at this shit since january 1, why am i not like [insert fitness buff body woman name here] yet?!?"  and yes, i know it's a slow process and change takes time blahblahblah but sometimes i just feel that i work so hard and the payoff is so slow and i want to be ripped right now goddammit, right fucking NOW.

i know, my funky mood is making me think all kinds of bullshit.

but enough of this depressing shizz; let's talk about fun stuff!

i gots me some pretty nail color yesterday.  i had a tiny orgasm when i stumbled upon an unused and forgotten sephora gift card in the depths of my wallet valued at $145!  

i softened that image of my hands to protect your eyes because they're so hideous and man-like.   isn't this such a pretty fall color?  one of my fav peeps, keltie, was wearing something similar when i met up with her for lunch and i decided that i need to add that to my collection.  i decided to try out the illamasqa brand ($11/bottle) since hey, i'm not paying for it so what the hell, and i'm glad to say that the quality is amazing.  it went on smoothly and streak free (i could've used one coat) and i also bought me some quick-drying top coat.  so far, my  nails have not chipped or been scratched/gouged despite numerous dish washing, a hardass workout with picking up and throwing down multiple weights and other random house chores.   i may go back for more colors. 

 

did you know that Toms now makes booties? i was in little burgundy yesterday when i passed by a girl holding this booty gorgeousness that i rushed over to her and nearly swiped the damn things right out of her hands.   check it:

 

 

cute, right?  and the best thing about them?  they're soooo comfortable!!   i ordered them both last night and eagerly waiting for them.    

i've also sort of been lusting after these for some weird reason: 

 

 

i was never a fan of hunter boots until i saw the welly socks!  i mean, the boots are just rubber with no insulation but imagine never having to worry about spraying your boots or ruining them with water/slush/salt/other winter bullshit as you rock these in the freezing cold temperatures.   hmmm... the more i talk about them, the more i lust for them.   those welly socks - while ridiculously overpriced ($48!!)  - are so incredibly adorable and the best part is that you can totally change the entire look of your outfit with each pair.  they even have fur leopard or zebra print (leesh/reni, i'm looking at you bishes).  will have to put more thought towards these (and try to figure out where i can stuff them in my closet unbeknownst to hubs!).

 

with the cooler weather upon us, i've been drinking tea like it's going out of style.  in my absentmindedness,  i went to david's tea for small haul only to come home and realize that i forgot i bought a package of 12 mini tins of tea...add that on top of my already huge collection and that is more tea than this bitch can drink in one year.  

so dear readers, do you know what this means?  it means i'm giving away the extra teas that have never been opened because i can't bear to let them sit there unenjoyed and i will NOT throw them out.  that would be like throwing out the holy grail.  

 

 available teas for your tummy! be prepared to fall in love with david's tea once you try them! and the best part?  they're free, bitches!  you're welcome.

 

here are brief descriptions for each: 

through the grapevine (see image for description) -- no longer available

cinnamon heart

coco chai rooibos -- no longer available

jumpy monkey -- no longer available

 

 pom power -- no longer available

 

if you want one of these, just let me know which one (leave a comment with your email) and i'll mail it out to you.  first come, first serve!

 ****update****

more available teas!  these are in sexy vials and once you've had them, save them for your next floor crawl.... they make great shot glasses :D

whisky white - no longer available

buttered rum

 

assam banaspaty -- no longer available

 

random thursdays: current obsessions

 

gal pal, Leesh from the blarkness chronicles, has a fun post on her blog and i thought what the hell, why not?!  i have a bunch of unfinished posts that i'm too lazy to complete and this is a quick way to bang out my thoughts so here are my current obsessions:

 

 

white collar.   oh, neal caffrey..... you are all kinds of delicious man-hunk.   it's too bad you don't like vaginas because if you did, you can shoplift this pooty anytime.  

it took me a while to get into this show; the first season was a bit 'blah' at first mainly because there wasn't a trailing story line and in each episode, they  always solved the case.  boring.  however, the characters made up for it especially mozzie, the quirky, eccentric, brilliant conman and surprisingly, you learn to like tiffani theissen instead of wanting to punch her in the face.  part way through the second season, they started developing ongoing plots which totally reeled me  in and now i can't stop watching it.   i'm almost caught up (wah!) and currently looking for something else to watch so if you have any suggestions, please let me know.

suits.  another brilliant show.  it makes the summer evenings bearable to be able to watch something that's smart and witty on tv which is a blessed relief from all of those trashy bachelorette/bachelor bullshit that seems to occupy the majority of summer prime time television.   my favorite characters are donna and louis;  i'm so glad that they brought her back and give more camera time to louis litt.  tonight is the season finale (boo!) and i can't wait to watch it.

p90x.  we all know from my frequent fitness posts that i'll be doing this program for the next 90 days or at the very least, 60 days, after which i'll decide if i want to change things up and do an insanity/p90x hybrid program.  instead of my usual 5-day workout week, i've increased it to 6 days a week to maximize my results and so far, i'm loving what i'm seeing.   i've been taking progress pictures along the way, fitting into clothes i haven't worn in years (with room to spare!) and so in love with this program.

vega sport.  i've found an awesome supplement line that's natural, plant-based and vegan.  not that i'm a vegan but i know vegans like their food and products pure so i chose this line for that very reason.  it's not that expensive (average price for a jug of their stuff is about $40) and because it contains all natural and organic things, i'm not pouring harmful chemicals into my body.  my favorite after-workout drink to replace lost minerals/vitamins/proteins is blending the protein powder with a banana, ice, 1 cup of skim milk, 1/2 cup of fresh berries and a bit of water ... so delicious, refreshing and what my body needs after a hard workout.  i must warn you though:  because these products are plant-based, it makes you fart something awful.  like so bad you need to quarantine yourself a few hours after consumption.  

 

 

do you know what tophatter is?  if not, pretend you didn't see this because it's addictive and you'll hate me for introducing you to it.  it's a live auction site where you can buy or sell things.  you attend a virtual auction and place bids on a lot of cool stuff.  imagine etsy via live auction and that's what tophatter is.  i blame my friend, ro, for introducing me to this site because i can't stop looking at it!! since i've been cleaning out my closet and the rest of my house, i've found a ton of stuff to put up for auction so i've been cataloging my things and updating them onto this site.  my first auction is tomorrow!  wish me luck.

 

workout gear -- it's all i lust over these days.  

nike sports bras.  of all the sports bras i've worn over the years, nike has never failed me.   i'm built  like a domino so it's not as if i need a supporting bra but these tiny excuse for breasts need to be loved too.  

asics runners.   how awesome are these shoes ... how can a girl not love hot pink?  there's nothing more awesome than working out in cute gear and feeling like you're the bomb-diggity 

spalding capri leggings.  the best leggings for working out.  spalding doesn't only make tennis balls but exercise gear too!   i find mine at winners for $16.  they're so awesome i have 4 pairs.  they're cotton, breathable, so incredibly comfy (that i also wear them around the house) and hugs your ass like a gay man.

 

 what are you currently obsessed with?

 

 

it's party time!

 

 

i guess i'm fashionably late to the party but welcome to my humble corner of the blogosphere; a place where i fulfill my weird, incessant need to ramble on about whatever is rattling on inside my head.   some info about me and this blog:

• i'm a 30-something wanna be full-time blogger but my job gets in the way of that.  i have a 4 year old daughter and married to the love of my life since 2004.  i'm an IT consultant which means i'm a geek at heart; new shiney gadgets totally give me a geek boner and will put a smile on my face any day.

• this blog is about a mish-mash of everything and anything:  product reviews, makeup, my current obsessions, gadget bonerisms, hilarious stories at my expense, how much i sometimes want to punch work in the face, my period which tends to anger me and generates a fair amount of cursing and crappy/angry illustrations , my adorable 4 year old daughter and general goings-on.

• i (re)named my blog "vodka and soda" after a weekend away with some fellow bloggers in vegas.  needless to say, this is my favorite drink and the monday after those blurry 4 days, i opened my eyes and thought:  what an awesome name for a blog!  and "vodka and soda" was born.

• i tend to write what ever is in my head which means  1) there's no filter and 2) because of no filter, there's likely going to be some swearing involved... especially on days when my period decides to show up (see second point).

• i'm an action movie junkie - anything with guns, bombs, car chases, covert ops, awesome kung-fu and john mcclane get my panties all bunched up.  die hard is my favorite.  there's  a guy at work who doesn't even know what die hard is about and for real, i can't relate to him.  true story.  

• i'm a sucker for pretty packaging which makes it easy to convince me to buy whatever it is you're selling.  good for you but not good for my wallet. or my husband who will give me The Look.

• my sense of humour is pretty out there so i'll laugh at anything that has to do with vaginas, poop, farts and funny stories of people falling down

• i've been on a health kick since early january so you'll likely see tweets or posts from me cursing Jillian Michaels,  bitching about how much i hate my rabbit-food diet or ecstatic that i finished a workout without needing to be resuscitated.

 

feel free to look around, leave me comments or stalk me.  i'm available for stalking via twitter, google reader, bloglovin', pinterest or email (see right nav bar for stalking methods).  just don't demand any money from me because i've spent it all on gadgets, makeup and beauty products.    now, why not leave me a comment with your blog so i can return the stalking favour?