last week, amanda posted about how to drive like a boss in the winter. being born and raised in the frozen tundra that is toronto, canada where winter is like half the fucking year, i fully support her tips. unfortunately, the majority of people don't follow any of that shit because they're asshats and think they own the road. here's the kind of assholery i've observed during the winter months:
// people drive their lowered, suped up rice mobiles in 23439872346 feet of snow. then they can't navigate through the snow because their arrogance and assholery refuses to allow them to make rational/logical decisions and also because their dicks are too small for their liking and therefore, must compensate by driving a douchehole car. then they cause major traffic jams because they're driving their lowered, i-have-a-small-dick-but-look-at-my-car suped up rice mobile. and by the way, they don't look cool in their car, they look like fucking morons. smart move, asshats.
// their tires are shit but they don't bother changing them and drive on the road anyway. i came across FOUR people like this on my way home on friday, the day that mother nature shat 7+ inches of snow on the city. again (seriously, mother nature - get your shit together!). all of these asshats couldn't even make it up the goddamn hill and caused a huge back-log of traffic and when i say huge, i mean 3 blocks of traffic waiting to get up that hill to get onto the highway ramp. when i finally caught up to them, 2 legit freaked out and pulled over (blocking the right lane), one was basically hitting the island every 3 seconds and fucking up his axel and the other was slipping and sliding and fishtailing at 2km/hr and cared zero at the clusterfuck that was behind him. kudos to him and his big ballsack for giving no fucks.
// they have an SUV therefore, they automatically think they drive a tank and can take on any snow bank or any amount of snow. and because of this, these assholes also speed in the worst weather conditions and are most likely to cause accidents because they think their SUV is the anti-snowpocalypse. no fuckface, you need to be considerate on the road and drive according to weather conditions. i always shake my head at those dick biscuits (stole that word from you, marla!) who speed like idiots and then drop into a ditch. losers.
// they don't clean their car properly. these people make me laugh. they look like fucking morons driving a car that has 2 feet of snow piled on top of everywhere and who needs 360° vision when driving, right? no assface, the snow won't "blow off" (a legit reason i overheard someone saying) and you irritate the fuck out of those who are driving behind you because you're like a fucking snowstorm on wheels. stop being a lazy fuck and clean your goddamn car!
// you are terrified of snow yet get on the road anyway and drive 2km/hr with your hazards on. in the middle of rush hour. i see these people all the time. snow, rain, normal driving conditions -- they get all freaked out because ohmyfuckinggod! there are other cars on the road! you know those types - the car seat is jacked all the way up to the steering wheel, they look like a deer in headlights the whole time they're driving, they are going max 5km/hr and pretty much riding their brakes the entire time. in most cases, they're asian, too. not racist; i speak the truth. IF YOU'RE SCARED TO DRIVE IN THE SNOW, DON'T DRIVE IN THE SNOW and take the fucking bus!
what asshats have you seen/encountered on the road? did i cover all of them?
hey girl, haaaaaay. tomorrow is the humpday confessions link up so if you have time to hump ryan's face, do eeeeeeet!