Vodka and Soda

humpday confessions

 

....i didn't workout this morning and it's knawing at me.  i will now do everything in my power to get home early and crank one out.  no one better schedule shit at 3pm because they're going to get a big fat DECLINE.

....don't you just love getting thrown under a bus?  someone at work who didn't know the full story and was probably having a bad day decided go off on a limb and say some shit that resulted in a flurry of emails sent way too fucking early this morning and it all landed in my inbox.  joy.  after spending the entire morning sorting this shit out and calming everyone the fuck down,  i'm all irritable and cranky from not being able to do my morning routine of having my breakfast and relaxing before the hectic day starts.  everyone better stay out of my fucking way.

....i hate it when i call the help desk to get them to do shit and they talk to me like i'm an idiot.  I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR THIS SHIT DUDE, AND IF THERE WEREN'T COMPANY RESTRICTIONS I'D DO THIS MYSELF.  now fuck off and give me what i want.

....you'd think that i'm on my period given the amount of anger oozing from this post but in fact, i'm just pissy because my day is all out of whack.

....the other day, someone called me "thick".  i was offended because i thought he was calling me a heffer but in fact, it's a compliment.  i don't get street lingo.

....a coworker told me that i had a badass strut.  i blew it off and laughed but secretly, i was all "fuck yeah!".

....i love that i'm wearing this dress!  i haven't been able to wear this since 2008 and it's loose on me. holla!

....i wish i could kick off some people who are following me on instagram.

 ....i unfollowed a few blogs again because they just never fucking respond and there are 2 more hanging on by a thin thread.

....i book my work calendar as "busy" from 3pm onwards but people don't seem to give a fuck and book me in meetings anyway. 

....i have been craving bubble tea like nobody's business.

....i am so in love with my new all-natural sunscreen!  a review to follow shortly.

....i have been spending hours on pinterest looking up ideas for washi tape because i'm seriously obsessed with them.

 

what are your confessions?

 

goodbye life of a housewife...

 

my days as a housewife are numbered so i've been trying to enjoy every single minute of unemployment until i have to head back in 2 weeks... and the days are scarily flying by!

i can't say how awesome 2013 will be considering i have to go back to work but i hope it'll be as amazing as 2012.  although i love my career, i love being a lazy asshole even more so needless to say, i'm sort of dreading having to go back to work.  the whole idea of it makes me tired:  the traffic, the stupid people i'll have to deal with, the annoyance of having to prepare my giant cooler of food every evening because i don't want to eat the garbage in the work cafeteria that they call "food", switching my workout time from a wonderfully leisurely 930am to a brutal 5am and being the routine-oriented person i am, i don't like schedule changes!

i know, first world problems.

when people hear  me whine about having to go back to work, not only are they mean by not extending any sympathy but they often question what i was doing this whole time.   i mainly skirted around the topic but the fact of the matter is:  i didn't do much.  i worked out, did a bit of housework and then did whatever the fuck i pleased every.single.day.   if that meant lying around all afternoon and watching tv, then that's what i did.  sometimes i napped.  sometimes i met friends for lunch.  sometimes i ran errands (not really) and sometimes i went to the spa. mostly, i relaxed a hell of a lot and it was fantastic!

did i organize my house?  not really and by "not really", i mean no. i started to organize my closet but stopped because i probably got distracted by something more exciting, like a nap.

i started to organize kayla's toy room but then decided i needed my hubs' advice about something and by that, i mean i just didn't feel like doing it anymore and thought he should do it instead.

what i did do every day without fail, was work out.  i had the time so it was much easier for me to stay on the wagon and stay in shape.   this was probably my greatest accomplishment during my 8 month work hiatus and when i went to visit the office a few times (to bring kayla to see hubs), everyone was all "omg, you look great!  you lost SO MUCH WEIGHT!" which sounds good but in reality, made me wonder how huge of a heffer i was before. 

i kept the laundry under control, cleaned what needed cleaning so my house wouldn't look like a pig sty but but for the most part, that doesn't take up too much time and the rest of the day was my oyster.

so now you know my dirty little secret for the past 8 months. 

going back to work is going to be a huge transition for me, mainly because i've been wracking my brain trying to figure out my new workout schedule and i've decided that the best time for me to get in a good workout is to do it at 5am every day.  major suckage, i know, but i'm up at that time anyway so instead of lounging in bed reading, i might as well get up and start my day.  i'm in the middle of figuring out how i'm going to arrange my meals around this new workout time since my timelines are now compressed so i need to understand when i'm going to eat and more importantly, what i'm going to eat before/after my workout and throughout the day at work.  you have no idea  how much i wish i extended my hiatus until april.

as for 2013, i only have 3 resolutions: 

1) to get my abs just a more defined

2) book my boudoir shoot.

3) update all the pictures hanging on the walls because they're all circa 2008 or older. 

 

hope your 2013 is great so far!

 

life of a housewife: 6 month update

 

 

it's been 6 months since i became a housewife of markham.

when i posted about my upcoming temporary retirement that began on june 1, i had so many things planned like organizing my mess of a closet, making kayla's play area so organized and awesome that everyone will pin it, cleaning out the pantry and making my kitchen so efficient/organized that martha stewart will beg to cook in it and exercising every day so that everyone will want tickets ... to the gun show  *flexes both arms*.

well... i'm embarassed to admit all that stuff didn't pan out so well.   not a one... except the workout part - that's about the only thing that i've been  consistently doing during these last 6 months.  i half organized my closet, ran out of steam and left it 'for another day'.   i started organizing kayla's play area then got distracted by something else (probably a nap).  it seems i've fallen victim to leaving things 'for tomorrow' since i have so much time to get to them but i'm running out of time so i need to get my ass in gear!

the original plan was for me to go back to work in mid-october after our disney vacation.  well, disney has come and gone and if that were to have gone through, i would be at work by now.  thank god that last month, hubs approached me and asked if i wanted to go back to work in january instead and hell, he didn't have to ask me twice!  you see, this works for the both of us -- once i go back to work, we'll have to resume our schedule of dropping kayla off at school on alternating days which means he won't be able to hit the gym first thing in the morning on a daily basis and prolonging my time off works for me because i get to be lazy for a longer period haha!

but i know january will be here in the blink of an eye because we're already in the middle of november and going back to work when it's snowing and cold is going to suck all kinds of ass and i'll hate every second of it.  well, i'll hate every second of it anyway but even more so because of the awful traffic.  damn, i couldn't even stand the traffic going to get coffee around the corner from my house after dropping kayla at school that i turned around and went back home.  if i can't even take that, how can i sit in traffic for 1.5hrs going to an office?!

the good thing is that people have been contacting me asking if i'm interested in working so i'm very grateful that there are opportunities out there.  the bad thing is i feel bad for turning them down; after all, they didn't have to seek me out but they did.  

hubs asked if i would be interested in staying home until april... um, HELL YES.  i'm in no hurry to get back to work but won't it look bad if i'm off for nearly a whole year?!

decisions, decisions......

summa, summa, summa time... time to kick back and unwind

 

[photo:  GETTY]

 

it's official - my last day of work is june 15 which is less than 4 weeks away.  can someone please give me a frigging high-five because you have no idea how excited i am!   this picture pretty much sums up what i hope to do for the majority of my time off - relax and enjoy it because come september 15, i'll be back in the office (again).

i previously posted about my time off and while i hope to relax as much as possible, i also have some things lined up to keep me busy. some are things that i've put off because i was too lazy or never had the time; other things are just to avoid getting bored during the day:

• we're finally getting our house painted.  for almost 5 years, we've lived in a  house that had screaming white walls and with all the nicks and bumps that come when you have a kid running around, it was time.  we just got a quote to have the entire house painted so now we're just choosing the colors
• join a gym for 3 months.  i haven't stepped foot in a gym since 2002 but i've decided to do this to increase my strength training and get my arm definition back.  maybe i'll join a few classes too
• continue my fitness challenge --> jogging is starting to look more appealing....
• finally organize my closet - and this time i MEAN it.  i posted about organizing my closet sometime last year and i'm so embarassed to say that i had every intention of doing it, bought the baskets to prove it .... and the baskets are still sitting on my closet floor with the tags still on them.  now that i have 3 whole months, i can finally dedicate the many hours it will take to make it right
• plan kayla's 4th birthday party.  that's right folks, my monkey is turning 4.  i can't believe how grown up she is WAH!
• i'm thinking about taking a course in web design; i'm always up for learning new ways to dress up my blog/new ways to code
• finally update my phone to ice cream sandwich v4.0.4.  since my phone is rogue on my network, i don't receive OS updates so i'll have to flash it myself

 

my latest update with my fitness challenge:

 

i'm almost at week 3 with insanity and omfg this shit is no motherfucking joke.  the warm-ups are still pretty tough but i can tell that my core is getting stronger because in the beginning, i could barely do any of his ab workouts for more than 20secs and now i can do almost all of it (booyah!).  i love this picture because i can actually see a glimpse of my abs.  i'm not quite there yet and i haven't hit my goal but the fact that i can see them just a little bit makes me so proud of how far i've come.  i've been at this for about 5 months now and i'm looking forward to completing this program even though i bitch and whine about it all the time.  i've been taking weekly pictures since i started insanity to track my progress.  i still haven't stepped on the scale or taken measurements but i think i'm doing something right so i don't think i need to.  besides, it's so liberating  not to obsess about numbers!

 

have a great weekend everyone!!  what are your plans for the weekend?  

weekend recap, sunday rituals

 

 

 

yesterday was a wonderful day in toronto and we spent it at canada's wonderland which is only the most fucking awesome place ever.  just ask kayla - she always loses her shizz when we tell her we're going to go.  beautiful spring weather - a lovely 19 degrees with plenty of sunshine and a gentle breeze - complimented a most awesome opening day at wonderland.  armed with our season's passes, we zipped passed the massive line-ups of people waiting to pick up their passes (tsk, tsk!  those peeps should have planned ahead and had them mailed to them) and got into the park 30mins earlier.  

there was a new dinosaur adventure/exhibit that kayla was excited about.  basically, they built all of these robotic, huge, life-size dinosaurs that move, roar and and look pretty fucking scary that i was convinced it would give kayla nightmares.  on top of the extra $5 per person admission, we paid an extra $1 to see a 3D movie about dinosaurs (which she loved).  this girl has got some serious balls of steel -- most kids in the theater were already screaming and freaking out when the lights dimmed but all you could hear from kayla was "WHERE ARE THE DINOSAURS? I CAN'T SEE THEM!" 

 

the dino exhibit had a little "archaeological site" where kiddies can "dig" for dinosaur bones.    kayla loved it... but she was more into throwing the sand around than pretending she was digging for bones: "mommy, these things are in the way!" 

 

then we stopped off for icecream (not funnel cake booo!) and kayla eagerly lapped it up while mommy and daddy sat by drooling and staring.

  clearly, she's not pleased with having to pause from eating her icecream to pose for this picture. 

 

**************

 

mama needs to get her grays gone.  i'm using garnier nutrisse mousse hair color in soft black.

every sunday, i have a week-ending ritual and it's all about me.  i take sunday evening to pamper myself while hubs is putting kayla to bed because i need to get ready for the shitty week at work so i do whatever i can to relax and primp.  

this pampering can be anything from coloring my hair to hide those grays (fuck you, grays!) to curling my hair if i feel like having wavy hair or doing my nails but i always - always - prep my skin.  after a long week of work bullshit and sweating like a mofo during my workouts, i slather luxurious products onto my skin and let the spa-like scents take me away.  

 

gentle walnut exfoliating scrub by ole henriksen.  gets your skin baby-butt smooth.

 

two face masks are at work here:  skin hydrating mask (underneath) + intenstive moisture mask - gives me that beautiful "casper the friendly" ghost look.  both by dermalogica.  both totally awesome.

 

this nail color never fails to make me feel and look badass.  it even has an awesome name: u never go back.  heh.

 

  even my tootsies got a make-over.  color:  pour me one.  i had to blur out most of my feet to spare your eyes from the hideousness of them.

 

what do you do to prepare for the upcoming week?

 

summer vacation? i think so!

 

 

come june, i'll be unemployed.   don't fret, because i'm not.

the nature of any consulting gig requires me to leave a company for a minimum of 3 months if i've been working for 2 years.  technically, i've already overstayed my welcome considering i started in march 2010 but due to project obligations, they need me to stay until June so do you know what that means, bishes?  i have summer vacation this year!! suck on that!!

i've been planning for this day from a fund perspective so i'm prepared and to be honest, after these past two months of bullshit that's been going on at work, this break can't come soon enough.    here's what i plan to do during my time off:

 

i know you're jealous.  

the last time i had this much time off work, i had some trouble adjusting to not doing anything but that didn't last long and before i knew it, i loved being able to putt around the house daily.    eventually, i'll need to figure out if i want to come back or if i can come back but i'll have at least until mid-july to work on getting a new contract either with the same company or elsewhere.

now, on to the goodies.  

over the course of the next few weeks,  i'll be giving away some pressies to my readers in honor of my blogiversary.  i know it's a little late since my blogiversary happened last month but you can blame my work.  you see dear readers, part of the reason why i want to punch work in the face is because it takes time away from me entertaining you through this blog.   but no matter, here's the first giveaway!

1) a full box of hair color in a beautiful funky purple by SPLAT!  normally, i would keep this for myself but i'm way too boring to pull off such a funky color.

2) one canister of dry shampoo from Batiste.   this dry shampoo is an aerosol so no yucky powder that leaves a weird, cakey, dandruff-looking residue on your hair.  you simply spray, massage into roots and voila!  as if you just stepped out of the shower!

one lucky reader can win this!  how do you enter, you ask?   simply leave me a comment and let me know if you'd like to be included in the draw.  be sure to include your email so i can contact you if your name is selected.  

closes april 27.  good luck!

open to Canadian and US residents only

*** THIS IS NOW CLOSED ***

when you get to help out your personal hero

 

i love my career.  i get to geek out, fraternize with my peers who share a love of star wars, die hard, super heroes, LOTR, gadgets and other geeky bonerisms.  one would think that working in IT doesn't hold much excitement but i'm here to tell you different.

yesterday, i saw this tweet from a popular radio personality that i follow and i'm also a huge fan of his show.   he was having trouble with his service installation and was a little upset.  naturally, i jumped at the chance to help retain a customer and hey, it's not every day you get to help out one of your personal heroes.

 

 

i was nervous at first but i reached out  anyway to see if i could help.  what transpired was a flurry of activity and i spent most of the morning acting like a customer service agent.  because i'm not part of the call center and didn't have access to his account information, i had to go through some back channels and this issue was quickly escalated up the ladder to ensure immediate resolution.     hubs reached out to a friend who also works for the company and he headed to the site to oversee the install.    

over the course of the morning, emails turned into live chats - he was calling my cell! - so we could discuss resolution options.  now i know he's no adam levine but because he's somewhat of a local celebrity, i was giddy that we exchanged numbers.  ohmigod, we're bff.   in my  head i was thinking:  omg! i'm talking to _____ on the phone!  this is so badass!!.  he wasn't any different from his radio personality, cracked a few funny jokes and while i wanted to joke around and impress my new bff with my wit, charm and funny personality, i stayed professional and focused.   best.day.ever.

after all was said and done, all of his services were up and running that same day and this is what he tweeted this morning:

 

WIN.  

 

in addition to his tweet, he was kind enough to send me this email which i quickly forwarded to everyone who helped resolve this issue (including my director because well, i want props too):

 

DOUBLE WIN.

and the cherry on top?  i was contacted by Sephora's PR company asking me about my readership and blog stats.  i have no idea how they got to this blog or what they want but Sephora:  I AM AVAILALBE TO BE YOUR PRODUCT REVIEWER AND / OR GUINEA PIG for FREE.  

although this week was major suckage with crazy projects, it certainly ended with a bang.  man, it's like christmas up in here!

random workout update; 362 day photo challenge, day 8 - new client

 

it's been a week since i started my "workout" regime and the reason why i'm using quotation marks is because it's a 4-minute program. it's also been over a week since i last ate anything yummy and by that i mean junk food or dessert.  nothing.  nada.  zip.  something is not right with this.

i don't recommend going cold turkey from sweets; that's just crazy talk and you'll turn into a cranky, whiny bitch like me.   at first it was hard because i have a bag of chips downstairs that are my favorite flavor (sour cream and onion) and when my usual routine every thursday was to give my mouth sour cream and onion orgasms, my mouth now finds vile and loathesome trail mix instead.    i end up only eating the yougurt blobs and dried fruit because when i was eating a lot of almonds and cashews, the roughage was doing a number on my bowels;  you do the math. and toilet, i'm sorry.

speaking of bowels, i think i may have caught a mild version of whatever tummy bug kayla had.  it's not as severe because all of my childhood illnesses have given me an iron stomach but it's certainly helped my diet because i don't feel like eating much.  who wants to eat anything when you feel all kinds of bloated and anything you put in your mouth results in you shitting out your insides to a point where you swear you're giving birth through your asshole?  

in any case, i think hell is freezing over and i thought i saw a pig fly by because i find myself rushing home to do my work out.  me, rushing home to work out?  that doesn't sound right.  or perhaps i'm rushing home so i can get through this before hubs comes home to me grunting and groaning and being all heifer pig-like while i go into cardiac arrest doing this goddamn routine.  yeah, that sounds more like it.

 

 

********362 day photo challenge, day 8 - a  new client********

i landed a new client today.

 

work hygiene

 

 

i'm not talking about being dressed haphazardly or being unkempt at the office but your overall attitude and outlook when it comes to your place of work.  

i'll be honest and say that we have a lot of duds here at my office;  some at the executive level and many at the working level.    yesterday i had a good chat with my director and he feels the same as me - if it's one thing that annoys me to no end, it's those who have poor work hygiene.   you know the type; they all exhibit some or all of the signs - hardly showing up to the office; they can never be found, they're the master of excuses why they can't work/come to work/produce their work, all they do is whine or complain etc etc.  it drives me crazy.

if you are one of those people, here are some tips to help you get your shit together before you get your ass fired:

excuses are totally transparent.   people are not stupid; we catch on pretty quick when we see a certain pattern which is, you're rarely fucking around.   if all we hear are excuses why you're hardly around the office, you're labeled as lazy and unwilling to work productively and anything you say will be taken with a grain of salt because no one respects you.  and no one will want you on their project.  i've refused potential resources on my projects for this very reason; excuses only delay delivery and i know when people are making excuses.  i don't need that kind of bullshite when i'm working double duty to get something out the door.

optics is extremely important.   perception is everything and you'll be perceived as doing dick-all if they can't find you and people will think you're a shit worker.  it doesn't matter if you produce  stellar work; no one wants to work with someone who can never be found.   do you know how frustrating it is to need/want to talk to someone and not be able to get a hold of them?  the common assumption among this group of asshats is that "email will keep them connected" but newsflash:  email is not a substitute for a productive discussion.   you can accomplish more in a 5 minute conversation than in a trail of 15 annoying emails.   i'm at contractor where i am so i can pretty much come and go as i please and as much as i would love to avoid battling traffic to get to work, i know how important optics are.  so, i show up to work even if i have nothing to do (like all of this week).    

care about your work ... even if you don't.   you might be bored.  your project might suck ass. we've all been there but try to remember that although you may hate what you're doing or the project that you're on, other people may not feel that way.  what you do directly impacts the entire project which directly impacts how your peers are measured.   the way you conduct yourself on a project truly defines how you are as a (co)worker; if you can stick it out and see things to the end, people will remember that and want to work with you again and more importantly, your executives will remember that and think of you when new, cooler projects come along.  if all you do is complain, slack off, become disengaged or talk negative shit about what you're doing,  that will be the only thing tied to your legacy.  

if you don't know, ask.  it's ok to not know the answer and a simple "i'm not sure, let me follow up" will suffice.  say the right answer when you find the right answer because  people can smell bullshit.   i don't know how many people i've worked with who have no clue but pretend that they know what's going on and when the shit hits the fan, we all look bad.  exeuctives don't care who fucked up; the whole team will suffer and no one wins.  so ask questions and make sure you understand everything for which you're responsible.  

follow through with your promises.  sure, we all get busy but if you promised someone you'd get back to them with something, you better make damn sure you give them an answer.   even if a few days have passed and you're still waiting on someone else, follow up with a simple email stating that you haven't forgotten about their request and it's taking longer than you expected.  this is how you build trust among your peers and they'll be more open to helping you out anytime you need it.

weekend recap: horseshoes up our ass, face-stuffing, great pressies

 

i had an awesome weekend. 

my office held their annual holiday potluck on friday and this year had an even better turnout.  instead of being lazy and buying something,  i made my favorite chocolate cupcakes but this time i wanted them to be all kinds of fancy so i decided to add some flair to the frosting and make little christmas trees.  unfortunately i'm not very good with piping, i added too much green food coloring so it sort of looked like dressed-up bird poopy.   however near the end, i got better at the piping and my trees actually looked like trees instead of blobs of bird crap.

 

armed with a fistful of raffle tickets, hubs was ready to take on the prizes.    little did i know that he was hiding horsehoes up his ass.

to be honest, i really didn't think we'd win anything however, during the first few draws they  kept pulling his numbers.  our goodies:

• 30 day free trial to Extreme Fitness for 2 (we won this twice but gave one back)
• XM Radio + 1 month free subscription
• gift certificate for brunch for 2 at The Buttery restaurant
• Motorola  JBL bluetooth sound system

if we won the 42" LCD flat screen tv, we probably would've gotten lynched and at one point, everyone started booing whenever hubs said "oh, that's me".  i guess it didn't help that i was hi-fiving him and shouting "woohoo!". 

 *****

a few years back, the december-born ladies within my group decided to hold an annual december girls' birthday dinner to celebrate our time of aging gracefully.  this year it was held at the newly-opened biermarkt which is a popular place for their large selection of beer and by that i mean  if you're a serious beer connoisseur, this place is your wet dream.  what surprised me the most was the food; i've been to the biermarkt before but i don't remember the food being this tastey (ignore the different picture  exposures; i was playing with a new camera app on my phone).

 

i can't remember the name of this beer but it was amaging and came highly recommended by the waitress.

it's our birthday and we'll eat oysters if we want to.  actually, i'm not a fan of oysters but these were very good. 

 

boston scallops and king prawns served on a carmelized bed of risotto.  my mouth had an orgasm.

 

me and fellow december birthday gal pal, ro.  

 
every year, i'm surprised by presents because the goal of this dinner isn't to get goodies but to spend time with dear friends during this crazy season.  i love my girls - they're all so very thoughtful and totally raided my kk list so to my dear kk if you're reading this... i'm sorry and will try to update the list with things that haven't been pillaged!

hope you all had a great weekend!